There have been a few viral posts lately of motivating things to say to your children. Dad’s standing in front of the mirror with their child reciting affirmations. Beliefs that mums should use to help empower their daughters… and it’s all great and I’m behind it 100%. Except that unless you a saying the same things to YOURSELF as a role model to your child, then they won’t have the same effect.
In our early years (0-7 years of age), our imprint years, we develop our values and beliefs from those around us who we spend the most time with and for the majority (but not all) of children this is their mum as their primary care-giver. If we want to instil a positive mindset (beliefs and values) in our children then we must have a positive mindset ourselves. However I speak to women who are so negative about themselves, their bodies, whether they work or stay at home, how many children they have or don’t have, where they live, their partners, the type of parent they are, about their children and their behaviour and much more. How can a mum who lives in a world of negativity, instil positive beliefs in her child?
It is of course possible for a negative mindset mum to tell her daughter or her son to love themselves and that they are perfect just the way they are, but we know that kids watch and hear everything we do. If they then hear us talk negatively about ourselves, see us constantly jump on the scales or complain about our bodies / clothes, hear us argue with partners or friends or complain about their behaviour then is that not a double standard – do as I say, not as I do?
The whole Blissed Out Mums philosophy to parenting is that you have to look after mum first in order to have a happy and healthy family. If you want to change behaviour or attitude within a child, look at their mums beliefs, language and behaviours. When mum is happy… everyone else is happy. If you’re looking to instil positive beliefs and values in your children then make sure you believe them about yourself first!
Mums face a lot of stress parenting children, it comes part and parcel with raising kids. Tantrums, sibling rivalry, backchat, aggression, sleep problems, fussy eaters, not listening… the list goes on! The parenting stress can wreck havoc on a mums feelings about herself. Is she doing a good enough job? Am I a good mum? Am I a good enough person? If a mum falls into negative thought patterns about herself it is inevitable that her parenting will suffer. If she doesn’t feel good about herself, confident about her abilities then implementing parenting strategies will not be as effective. If her parenting stuffers, then her children will suffer. Our kids need us to be the best type of parent we can be.
Affirmations (positive ‘I’ statements) are a great way to change our mindset about ourselves. Repeated frequently (many times per day), if possible in front of the mirror we begin to replace negative or critical self-talk with more helpful and positive ones and our behaviour changes. We feel love towards ourselves and in turn this love will over flow to your children, family and friends. If we believe these following statements about ourselves then we can honestly empower our children to believe them about themselves. Even better if they hear us say them regularly, so they grow to say them to themselves.
Here are 20 things you should say to yourself every day (multiple times a day if possible) to support and encourage yourself:
1. I am loved
2. I don’t have to be perfect to be a great parent
3. I am valuable
4. I accept myself as I am
5. I am worthy
6. I look great
7. I forgive myself for my past failures
8. I am enough
9. I love you
10. I am beautiful inside and out
11. I can try again tomorrow
12. I am proud of myself
13. My opinions matter
14. I always do my best
15. We all make mistakes
16. Nobody is perfect
17. I deserve to look after myself
18. I am beautiful
19. I look great
20. I am important
I loves these 20 statements and I say them to myself daily. Which ones hit a chord with you? Which ones do you already believe about yourself, and which ones are a little harder to sit with? Which ones would you like to work on so that you believe them 100%?
As I mentioned affirmations are wonderful when repeated when you’re standing in front of a mirror. Also called ‘mirror work’ you’ll find that as you say each one it will either sit perfectly with your, or you’ll feel a little uneasy. When you feel uneasy pause and ask yourself why you are feeling that way? Explore the emotions that come up. Journal it out!
If you love your children (and I know you do) then love yourself first. You are important mumma! You matter! Start looking after you and see the impact it has upon the type of mum you are and how you parent your children.
If you have any questions about any of this, or if something comes up with your mirror work and feel free to shoot me an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) or you can comment below and share with the other readers of the blog.
Lots of love and positive energy