Healing Yourself From Peri-Natal Depression Free eBook
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The darkest moment of my parenting journey was when I gave birth to my second daughter. I pushed her out, caught my baby, placed her on my chest, and felt NOTHING. She wasn't crying, I wasn't in pain, I wasn't crying. I turned to my friend who was my birth partner and said to her "I feel nothing".
I became a single mum when I was 28 weeks pregnant with her. It was traumatic to say the least. I had a really difficult time. My obstetrician was worried. My GP was worried. I was diagnosed with perinatal depression (PND).
I thought that once my daughter was born it would be like it was with my first; a happy joyous moment of hearing her cry where I would fall in love with her and being a mum for the second time.
But it was the complete opposite.
I felt disconnected. I loved her, but was not in love with her.I was happy but not happy at the same time.
I worried about the future. I doubted myself. I believed that it was going to be horrible.
The first night that we came home from the hospital and I lay in my bed which I shared with my toddler and had my newborn in the bassinet, I wished I was dead. I didn't sleep a wink that night. I sat and cried alone in the dark.
I've had PND with each of my babies (I now have 3). This time was the worst and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
I was being cared for by everyone who could. My mum and dad were helping out. I had a network of close friends who were very supportive. I was seeing my GP, I was on anti-depressants, I saw a specialist PND psychologist. But it wasn't working.
I'd have my appointment with my psychologist and come out feeling worse than I went in. I would have friends and family over or have them help with the kids and just feel guilty that I couldn't manage it myself.
The traditional medical model of antidepressants and psychotherapy wasn't helping. I was determined to find something that would. My life and my children depended upon it!!
I sought out the help of a life coach. After being coached, I decided to do my own training and as I implemented what I was learning into my own life, my life was completely turned around.
I was happy again. I felt joy when I woke up in the morning. I wasn't stressed, overwhelmed or feeling guilty. I felt connected to my children again. I was being the type of mother I wanted to be, that I was with my eldest.
The best moment of my recovery was when I went to a Thermomix demonstration (yep, I love my TM5!). There was another mum there who had been in a mother's group I was part of just after my daughter was born. She saw me at my worst, then here at the demo I warmly greeted her and gave her a hug and she didn't recognise me at all. She even asked who I was! I explained and she was amazed!
Around the same time I was apart from my best friend, who had been at my daughters birth, for around two months. Life was busy. I was doing my coaching training, we both had two kids. By the time we caught up again she said I looked like a different person.
It was after this experience that I created Blissed Out Mums.
I knew I could bring together my training and my experiences to help other mums who weren't being the type of mum they wanted to be.
In 2016 I had my son as a single mum by choice. And once again I fell into PND. Fortunately it wasn't as bad as before but it still wasn't much fun.
I fell back on my training and I got myself out of it again.
Since then I've gone on to do further specific training in the alleviation of depression, including Post-Natal Depression. I have created a program that is specific for mothers who are experiencing symptoms of PND or general parenting depression to help them get out of their depression FAST!