I am anti-yelling at kids. It’s not an effective parenting technique and it often does more harm than good.
There is a growing body of evidence that yelling is damaging to children both short and long term. Excessive yelling is parental bullying and causes emotional pain in children. No-one likes to be yelled at. Love equals respect. And yelling and screaming at your child is not respectful.
Yelling is a form of abuse. I know it sounds awful and you may be shocked by it but it is. From a psychological standpoint verbal abuse can be anything from loud yelling rants to quiet undermining comments. It causes emotional pain in the victim.
The thing about verbal abuse is that it has become so common that people don’t call it what it is.
There are two problems with this:
a) it has become acceptable to yell at your child and
b) people don’t know that there is non-judgemental caring and loving support out there for them.
We’ve all snapped at our child when they’re about to hurt themselves, or another child. Of course one off instances of yelling might upset a child and is unlikely to do damage, however persistent and prolonged exposure to this parental behaviour is abusive.
I provide support, services and programs for mums who don’t want to yell at their children. Those who find it goes against their parenting values and the way that they want to be.
Instead of judging mums for yelling I take the approach that when a parent yells at their child it is more of an indicator that they are reaching breaking point because they don’t have the coping strategies within themselves to manage the often challenging job of parenting.
What I teach is how to make sure that mums look after their own needs on a daily basis so they aren’t overwhelmed and resentful, use relaxation and meditation to decrease over all stress, parent gently and effectively to manage their children’s behaviour and facilitate effective family communication. When all of this is managed, mums don’t have to yell.
We all have choice in whether we want to yell at our children. We are independent beings who are able to make choices over the type of person, and mum we want to be – no one forces us to do anything.
Patterns of behaviour can cause mums to become quick to anger or quick to yell at our children. It therefore can feel like we don’t have a choice or don’t have any control but the thing is that we do.
Whenever mums go to change a pattern of behaviour (such as yelling) they need both long term and short term strategies to help give different tools and techniques to help them manage overall parenting stress which when managed correctly means that mums don’t have to yell any more.
My 90 relaxation second tool / mp3 (available free for all mums here) is based on the research of famous neuroanatomist Dr Jill Bolte Taylor and her personal experience into the feelings of anger and emotion after recovering from a stroke. It is a short-term tool that helps you stop yelling. When combined with breathing techniques that help get a mum out of the automatic ‘fight or flight’ response (which is part of anger and yelling) it is very effective.
My mp3 is only one piece of the puzzle but still an effective tool I provide free to mums everywhere as I know the importance of not yelling.
I would invite you to get in contact with me…. Pop your details in here or follow one of the links above to learn more.
It is possible to stop yelling at your children! If this is a problem for you and it’s something you want to change then get in contact with me!
Let’s speak soon