Welcome to the second article in a three part series on “Thriving as a mum”
In the last article I spoke about the myth of winging it at parenting. We never just ‘wing it’ being a mum. We parent the way we were parented as a child unless we choose to be something different. This can be absolutely fine if we are happy with the way our mum and dad acted towards us, or we might want to tweak it a little or a lot. Today I want to have a chat about tweaking it.
When I talk about the ideal type of mum I always end up hearing two things “There is no such thing as the ideal mum”, or “You just want us to be perfect mums”. Neither could be further from the truth!!
Yes there is such a thing as the ideal mum – the ideal type of mum YOU want to be for your vision for you, your life and for your family. No-one is perfect in life so why on earth would anyone think that they could be a perfect mum. I’m talking to and coaching those mums who aren’t happy with the “going okay” “just keeping the kids alive” type of mum. I’m talking to the type of mum who wants to kickass at being a mum! Who want’s to be the best mum she can be the best 90% of the time. The high performing mum who knows she has to work at being a mum (and is okay with that) to get the best out of her and her kids.
We all start from somewhere. We aren’t given this little wrapped up bundle of joy and suddenly jump off the starting blocks at 90%. We fumble, make mistakes, doubt our abilities but we get there in the end. We get in our little patterns, start working out what works for us and the kids and being to get a sense of control over this parenting gig. However sometimes that’s not enough. We want more.
Parenting is all on the job training, high risk training with the potential to majorly screw up someones life if we’re not careful. Once we’ve go the basics and we’re running at 60% it’s time to take it up a notch and shoot for 90% or more.
How do we do this? What do we do when we want more from ourselves and from our kids? We go back to the building blocks and design the type of mum we want to be.
There are lots of ways to design the type of mum you want to be and I want to run through 3 quick steps that you can follow today to get you smashing it as a mum.
1. Go back to your ‘Why’
Why did you become a mum? Why did you choose to parent this little being?
These questions are simple, yet complex. When we spend our days just reacting to what is going on around us and not living a consciously designed life then we don’t get the best out of ourselves. When we aren’t our best, the kids don’t get the best they deserve and we don’t get the best out of them. Looking at your ‘why’ and going back to this fundamental part of parenting is the first step to reconnecting with your conscious parenting, not reactive.
2. What type of mum do you want to be?
Have you ever thought about this and written it down? Have you discussed it with your partner / husband, friends or family? We can read all the blog articles and facebook posts and think “yep! That’s what I want to do” and then forget about it after a few weeks when we fall back into old habits. When you can be clear on this you can create a goal for your journey through motherhood and then work backwards to design the steps you need to take to get you to where you want to be.
3. Where are you now?
Okay so you know your ‘why’ and the type of mum you want to be, how far off it are you? Are you miles and miles away? Otherside of the country away? Or have you just gotten lost a few blocks away? Don’t feel bad when asking this question, it’s not about making you feel guilty. It’s just to shine the light of awareness onto where you are so that you know how far and how you want to go. As the saying goes a journey starts with a single step and you’ve got to start somewhere!
I get all my clients to answer these questions for me, in fact they’re usually the first ones I cover before they even become a client because it is so important to know your answers. Answering these questions is the first step to greatness as mum and a total must! No excuses!
How? Just get a journal! An exercise book, a simple book from Kmart or a fancy Moleskine leather backed journal. It doesn’t matter what you write it, just that you write these out! Reading this article and thinking your answers out isn’t enough. It will help a little but it won’t make long lasting change. Journalling it out will! I want you to go and get a journal (if you don’t have one on hand, grab a piece of paper and you can stick it in later) and answer them. It should only take you 20-30 minutes. I know you have time for that!
Once you have your answers then think, what do I need to do to be the type of mum that I want to be? What do you need to do to be the type of mum that you want to be for your children? Design 3 quick steps, some needle movers to get you back on track and feeling more connected to your ideal mum and working at a higher level.
You deserve to be at your best! Your kids deserve to have the best mum they can! Society deserves and needs you to be the best you can, because you’re raising the next generation and we need them to be the best for society to survive!
In the third part of this series I’m going to chat with you about how to manage when those around you, including your husband or partner aren’t on board with the type of mum you want to be. Keep a look out for that next week!
I’d love to know what you come up with from this exercise. Pop it below or send me a message on Facebook and we can have a chat about it. It might bring up some shit for you (especially the third question), that’s okay. I’d be surprised if it didn’t! I can definitely help you with that! It’s what I love to do!
Keep connected and keep thriving as a mum.